Dishonor on your cow. Recovering personal and professional identity in times of difficulty

One of my favorite animated Disney movies is Mulan, the story of a young woman who joins the Chinese army incognito to keep her injured father from serving, and to protect the honor of her family. Early in the movie, while she is struggling to prepare for “boot camp”, the miniature dragon Mushu, assigned by the family ancestors to protect her, expresses his frustration with Mulan as she continues to “break all the rules” and not follow his advice. The dragon, played by the inimitable Eddie Murphy, in complete exasperation utters a curse. “Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!”

Somewhere in our lives and our careers, we probably have heard similar words; words that wound, or anger, or perhaps cause us to doubt ourselves or our abilities. We become vulnerable. These comments may have been made to us directly, or perhaps to our colleagues or our bosses; people with the power to inflict more hurt. Unlike Mushu, who really was on Mulan’s side, our antagonists are not.

After suffering a personal or professional blow that has damaged your sense of self, and also damaged your career, it is important to take steps to reassert yourself and to rebuild both your personal sense of self-worth as well as your career. While these words could apply to many professions, it is written in the context of being a librarian.

Here are my suggestions:

Reflect: Being reflective about your life and work is important to a healthy psyche. It is especially critical in difficult times as you sort through thoughts, feelings, and conflicting advice. Being reflective means being self-aware; taking the opportunity to think about your experiences and how they have affected you, and what you have learned from them. Reflective thinking also provides an opportunity for self-empowerment: a chance to plan a future and make changes to move forward. During very busy times, having significant time for self-reflection is difficult. If you are faced with lots of downtime, take advantage of the time and be reflective.

Self- care: When bad things happen, our first reaction is often to beat up on ourselves, to get less exercise, and to eat more than we need. Pretty understandable in the short-term but toxic as a long-term strategy. While looking after yourself (good nutrition, exercise, and sufficient sleep) does not change your situation, it does put you in a better frame of mind to deal with the difficulty.

Network: Building your network is critical to success. In times of personal and professional difficulty, it is important to have a network of friends and professional colleagues who you can turn to for advice and support. However, do not wait until there is trouble before beginning to build your network; a network is also a powerful tool for when things are going well. You can build your network through LinkedIn, Facebook, as well as in person through conferences and other professional meetings. For me, I feel blessed to be part of the library community, one of the most connected professions in the world, and one where other librarians, even those I do not know, are usually willing to lend a hand and share their expertise and advice.

Write: Writing is a powerful act. For some, a difficult period in life might evidence itself in a short story or a novel; for most of us, the writing will probably be more prosaic. Writing, for me, provides both a creative as well as an academic outlet. Not having a day job, the writing has allowed me to explore many of the ideas in libraries, scholarship, and higher education that I had been thinking about or trying to implement. It also provided a sense of purpose as well as a way to keep the brain sharp and fully engaged. Share your professional writing through Twitter, LinkedIn posts, a professional blog, or by publishing in an academic journal. This gives you both a sense of professional accomplishment and also shares your thoughts with your professional world.

Take back power: When we encounter difficult situations or where we feel we might have been abused professionally, it is easy to let these events define us both professionally and personally. While you cannot remove unwanted content from a Google search, it is important to take charge of what people see you as, especially as you appear in Google searches. Your LinkedIn profile is one of your key professional windows to the world. Ensure you have a positive description of your professional identity and capabilities; your education and your Vita, and your profile picture is current. You can also include professional recommendations written by your colleagues. Check to ensure that all of your other personal professional profiles, such as Facebook, ChronicleVitae, Academia.edu, ResearchGate, and any others are current. Post regularly on LinkedIn to show your professional competence as well as to highlight what you are working on. These strategies put power for your professional brand back in your hands.

Learn: Many of us heard the old adage “learn something new every day” when we were growing up. In today’s economy of rapidly evolving industries and changing technologies, continuous learning is the only path to career success. If you find yourself unemployed, it is critical to find ways to learn every day. Monitor professional listservs and follow key people on Twitter. Read professional journals and research reports. Take out a professional membership on LinkedIn and take advantage of the thousands of free online courses that you have access too. Participate in professional webinars and if you can afford it attend the professional conferences in your career area. All of these keep you sharp and ready for the next professional opportunity.

Read: Reading is one of the key intellectual and emotional tools at your disposal. Read broadly, not only within your profession but widely; fiction and non-fiction. Not only does reading feed the creative mind, many books also provide inspiration for life. Some books may provide ideas for your writing; others will challenge your way of thinking; still, others will allow some moments of escape. I have always enjoyed books, both the act of sitting with a physical book and reading, as well as listening to an audiobook; especially those with a good narrator. In the past 14 months I’ve managed to listen to over 240 books; a crazy mix of history, biography, serious and light fiction. I have also been doing some serious academic writing, so there have been about 100 or so academic articles as well. All of this reading has helped me stay intellectually sharp and ready for the next challenge.

Stay professionally engaged: It is critical to stay engaged with your profession. While waiting for good things to come your way, staying fully engaged in your professions allows you to keep abreast of developments and making you ready to take on new challenges. As a librarian, with membership in the American Library Association, Association of College and Research Libraries, and the Library Leadership and Management Association, I try to keep on top of developments in the field, and when possible contribute to the discussions that are happening.

Be who you want to be: One of my favorite bloggers is Dean Bokhari (https://www.deanbokhari.com/blog/ ); a young man who is attempting to get people to be passionate about their lives and work and not to settle for the mediocre. In one of his most recent entries, he talks about the GPS formula – greatness, passion, and service. He notes we need to decide what we are great at, where is our passion, and where do we best serve others. We too readily let ourselves be defined by others and not by our passions, talents, and service. These are important words to guide how we think about our personal and professional life.

Let go and be thankful: It seems to be human nature to hang on to the things that have hurt us and to create scenarios of what we could/should say to the people involved. If there is no readily legal or administrative recourse to address the wrongs that were done, then one of the most liberating things you can do is just let it go. Giving voice and energy to the people who wronged you does nothing to them, and only prevents you from moving forward. Couple this action with being thankful. You’re not necessarily thankful for what happened but you can be thankful or all of the good things in your life, spouse, children, health, parents, friends, or a good cup of coffee. This is not “behind every cloud there is a silver lining” but just an opportunity to give thanks for the good things in your life. This is “counting your blessings”. Letting go and being thankful can help change your life.

So when a voice whispers in your ear “Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!” say “I have honor, I am capable, I will survive, and thrive.”